New Year and Resolutions go hand in hand. It's just the way it is. I used to write my resolutions in my journal every year, and then I'd fret and fray about what I was failing at constantly. At some point, I said fuck it. Lose weight, stop smoking, save money, travel more, get a new job... all these goals are genuine, but truthfully, life throws shit at us randomly. It's very hard to keep these things in check.
So, I'd lose 10 lbs and get pissed. I was supposed to lose 20! I didn't make the trip to Mexico, but I had a damn good weekend in Bakersfield. Instead of enjoying and celebrating the little things, I let these stupid expectations fuck it all up. Holy crap, I lost 10 lbs! That's awesome! That weekend in the dirtiest city in California--priceless. Best. Weekend. Ever.
So, I finally gave up. Instead, I'd give myself a little pep talk. Do better. Try harder. Laugh more.
And things started looking up.
This year I decided to press some goals. The past few years have been especially rough on me, my family, and the people closest to me. I'm barely recovering from a rather long and financially painful layoff five years ago, my mother's health is at the worst, my friends are hurting, and I'm trying to guide an eighteen and twenty-four year old out into the world and into manhood. Sometimes, it's just like an avalanche I can't dig myself out of. What do I do when shit gets shady? I shut. down. All the way, all engines on stop.
So, in the process of getting myself out of this ugly little blather of life, I pushed myself to publish my writing. I pushed myself two years ago to stop pretending I couldn't do it and I tried. And what do you know? I did it!
Now, the thing about this pretty awesome accomplishment, is that it takes A LOT of time. It's a lot of sacrifice. It's incredibly rewarding, but I haven't quite perfected the balance and focus part of things.
So, this is where I am going to push.
I dug down yesterday and tried to nail down where all this discombobulation is coming from. Basically it all comes down to my old habit of pulling my hood over my head and saying EFF this. I'm hiding.
NO MORE HIDING!
So, this is my little visual for the year. I want to use it as a guide for the year, a little reminder that I'm doing a damn good job, I just need to keep it up. I need to focus, take care of myself, let shit go more often, be a better friend, daughter, sister, mother, aunt. I need to take gambles and chances. I need to jump the fence once in a while and see what's out there. I need to make a commitment to write every day. Writing is important to my well-being, my livelihood, and the future of my family. It's my soul. That leads to healthy and stress-free Jami. I need to organize and make my office space more accessible and workable. The picture below? Not very far off what my desk actually looks like--which leads to stress. And hiding! I'm not going to waste money. I'm going to find ways to work within my budget, learn how to shove a few bills away for a rainy day.
And lastly, I am going to make time for myself to READ! I got so caught up this year in marketing, promotion, day job, household crap, that I didn't spend enough time doing what I love the most.
So, I encourage you all to do the same. No resolutions. Set some things in play to make your life easier and fun. Life goes by so damn fast that if we wait for things to happen, that last ten pounds, that extra twenty dollars to come along, we're going to miss all the good stuff. The good stuff is what we work for, live for, strive for. Take it now.
I hope you all have a wonderful year,
Here's to 2015!!!
Thanks for hanging out with me!!